All about Collars in BDSM and Fetish Play
As BDSM and fetish themes continue crossing the threshold into mainstream media, certain customs have become more widely used than others. Over the years we’ve seen latex and leather fashion drift into the limelight and with the popularity of fetish content , this is not surprising. Another aspect of BDSM that’s become increasingly popular is the wearing of collars. Unlike leather and latex where significance can vary from fetishist to fetishist, the collar in BDSM generally represents something more remarkable.
It is normally accepted in BDSM communities that collaring is a symbol of empowerment or ownership of one over another. Often within the community the significance of a collar is compared to a wedding ring, though not everyone accepts such a comparison. Besides denoting a certain level of domination, the individual meaning of collaring varies from scene to relationship.
- For example, the Top gives a collar to the bottom during a play scene which signifies a temporary power exchange; ending when the collar is removed and the scene is finished. Here, the roles associated with the collar are only observed during play. This is often done to help the submissive actualize their role and ease their transition into subspace. It’s said that “when placed around the neck, [the collar] signals a change in habit and form from the outside and everyday world, and brings the submissives mind to the present moment. It is part of the uniform that helps the submissive adopt the appropriate change in behavior.” Inversely, collaring a bottom within a scene also helps facilitate the power exchange for the Top, assisting the Top in actualizing their role and reaching Dom-space.
Often for established Dominants and submissives, the collar is given by the Dominant to the submissive as a sign of commitment and protection. A Dominant and a submissive decide to take their relationship to the next level so they incorporate a collar. The first step could be the training collar; the training collar signifies a submissive in training, whether that means discipline, masochism, expectations, respect, tasks, etc. For the Dominant, the collar means authority, protection, commitment, honesty, respect, loyalty, and responsibility. For the submissive, the collar signifies obedience, respect, honestly, loyalty, commitment, adoration, subordination. For the Dominant and submissive here, collaring is a serious undertaking. Collaring at this point can also be an indication that a relationship has evolved.
- Other than for use in an individual scene, collars can be utilized during play parties; a collared submissive tells other Dominants that that submissive is already spoken for. Thus, a collared submissive at a play party would not be approached by others out of respect for the established relationship.
- The most formal usage of collaring denotes a serious 24/7 Master/slave relationship. At this point the relationship should be successfully compatible, and the submissive would desire to serve and dedicate their entire existence to the Dominant’s needs and wishes every day at all times; 100% subservience. If the Dominant feels the submissive has earned their place as a loyal subject, the submissive will be given a formal collar of ownership. For the Dominant, the collar means authority and all the former facets of an established D/s collar; same applies to the sub. Often M/s relationships take place with the Dominant and submissive living together, where the Dominant controls every aspect of the subs life. This differs from a commitment collar in a D/s relationship, which has established roles that may not be as strictly acknowledged and the sub maintains some of individual authority in day-to-day life.
Online Collaring
The philosophy and meaning of an online collar is often discussed within the community. There are members who express that an online D/s or LDR (long distance relationship) is a form of the ultimate submission; reporting to your Dominant constantly and being expecting to enforce rules and discipline by oneself is often a complex task. Online collaring could also be seen as the ultimate act of Dominance; being able to radiate prowess so much so that it transcends distance and technology is not a small feat. Nevertheless, here are some ways online collaring adds valuable and unique aspects to the BDSM webcam experience.
- Collaring within an online play session can add a seductive aspect of Domination to any cam experience. Collaring oneself can be a symbol of obedience and subservience to an online Dominant, a show of willingness to train and commitment as a submissive rather than just a bottom in play every now and again. Webcam collaring can also be a symbol of power exchange.
- Online collaring, the ultimate submission. Feeling the control of your Dominant upon you in their presence and manifesting the desire to serve is one thing, but finding a desire to serve and worship a Dominant who’s physically far away can be a completely different story. It’s one thing to receive punishment from your Dominant; it’s a completely different thing trying to punish yourself for your Dominant in the way that he or she commands. Thus, webcam collaring can be seen as the ultimate submission because it forces the sub to get creative, adding an extra mental element to submission. The lack of physical touch is replaced by increased mental stimulation over webcam chat, either by dirty talk, intense role-playing, tedious training tasks or any combination of the former. Training tasks given by a Dominant to a submissive obviously vary when it comes to online and IRL, so the Dominant also has to be creative by coming up with engaging ways to Dominate via webcam. Webcam collaring within an online D/s relationship could even be said to be more intense and profound than collaring in a D/s relationship IRL because it involves a sense of blind trust between both parties; trust that the submissive will obey and provide proof of such, trust that the Dominant will provide emotional support when needed and won’t abandon the sub, etc.
- Webcam collaring, a safe and discreet way to explore submission. Exploring the world of BDSM online is often the first step for anyone curious about the realm of kink. It’s often less intimidating to play online for first timers rather than walking blindly into a dungeon seeking submission. Same goes for webcam collaring; if you’re interested in collaring or being collared but are unsure of how you will like it, a safe and discreet way to test the waters is through collaring via webcam. Take your time browsing Fetish webcam chat rooms and find an online Dominant or submissive that you have a genuine connection with. Express to the online D/s companion of your choosing what your concerns, desires, limits, safe words, fantasies etc. are so they can help set up the scene in a way that’s comfortable for you. Have the Dominant pick out a collar for you, or have one ready for your first cam session. Starting off with a comfortable collar makes for easy adjustment. Starting small with easy role-playing and simple tasks like diet restrictions or wardrobe control are good ways to ease into subspace. Discreet because you can play in the comfort of your own home behind your computer screen, safe because you’re hidden behind an alias (i.e. screen name), and liberating because you can fully submerge into and explore subspace without fearing public ridicule.
Every Collar is different.
Every collar is different; the meanings, rituals, levels of intimacy and Domination associated with collaring vary from person to person. Is collaring IRL different from collaring online? Yes, different mediums produce different outcomes. Does collaring online offer valuable and unique kink experience that wouldn’t necessarily transpire IRL? Yes, it absolutely does. Online collaring is a great way for kink beginners to experiment with different levels of Domination and submission while staying safe and discreet behind the comfort of their webcam.
